“Please read my new blogs.”
“Please like my blogs.”
“Please follow my blogs.”
“NEVER ask people to read, like or follow your blog.”
According to Tumblr, as of April 2018 it is estimated that there are 409 million registered blog accounts. All my bookie friends have advised me that 409,000,000:1 odds are not terrific for getting my blogs read, liked, or followed. Now, I consider myself an educated person—graduated kindergarten, elementary and middle school, high school, and college—and have spent 40+ years advising clients about making the right choices when positioning their businesses for success. I stole the best two pieces of advice ever from a professional blackjack card counter client who, having been banned from all casinos, offered a $495 2-day seminar to teach people his card counting method. His opening statement on the first day was, “The two most valuable pieces of information I can give you if you’re serious about making money counting cards while playing blackjack: #1— you will never beat the house. The house odds are and always will be against you. By counting the cards from the dealers deck, you can tell when the deck is rich with face cards and aces. That’s when the house odds against you are lowered. And that’s when you can win more hands and should increase your bets. And #2—you must know when to walk away from the table.” I have shared these two gems with countless clients over my career with great success, some people even telling me that my sage wisdom really guided their trajectory…I was a marketing guru…and other uncalled for accolades. So, you might ask, why the hell would I not take my own advice and walk away from the blogging table? Good question.
I mean really, is my writing and what I have to say that engaging or important? Does anyone really care about me writing a book of personal essays? When people say they laugh at my attempts at humor, are they actually laughing at me while thinking to themselves, “Just in case he’s mentally unstable and has an alter ego as a vampire, I’ll encourage him so he’ll go away.” While reciting two chapters from My Shorts the other day to a small group of relatives and friends, I overheard some comments murmured between the circle of listeners:
“He’s going to depend on this for food?”
“Is he really making a book out of this?”
“People don’t wanna read this. They want to hear about sex and violence.”
And my favorite, addressed directly to me.
“Is there any pornography?”
While I am tempted to use some of these for back cover quotes, common sense would suggest my attempts to build a following for My Shorts (see…you’re rolling my eyes while I’m chuckling to myself)—let alone reading, liking and following my blogs—common sense tells me I should can my professional writing dreams and enroll in class to become a certified circumciser’s aid. While speaking to a rabbi about the merits of this pursuit at my age, I asked a logical question.
“Is it too late for me to get ahead in this field?”
His response, “Not at all. All you have to do is cut low.”
Blah, blah, blah…I’ll stick with blahging.